Lost

I am handing in my two weeks notice to Hayward on Friday.

It just really isn't the job for me, i get up in the morning and it is a chore that I have to do, going to work. I want a job where I am happy to go to work and that is perfect for me. Unfortunately I am discovering that I don't know what that is.

I have spent so much of my life trying to please others and fit in that I now am learning that I don't really know who I am or what I really like. I have no idea what my ideal job is; well, actually, I want to be a stay at home mom, but that is a couple years down the road, so until then I need to know what else it is that I can do and love.

• I love organizing and rearranging things so that they are more functional and astheticley pleasing. I rearranged my bedroom about 7 times through high school.
  
• I love working with kids, especially younger ones. 5 and under is my fave.
  
• I love working with my hands ( I learn best by physically being able to do something than watch someone else do it).
• I love filing, (yes it's true!) it is so organized and precise.

Now I am getting married and need to have a job so we can afford rent and to send Kyle to school, but I don't know where or what.

I am trying to set up a meeting with Danny Martin to see if he can help with vocational stuff, and figure out just what I should be doing.

Ragamuffin

Currently reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. It is a really powerful book, he is very insightful to a lot of things that seem pertinent to my life lately. One of the things that stuck out the most recently was this prayer in one of the chapters.

Abba,
I abandon myself into your hands. Do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for it all; I accept it all. Let your will be done in me and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my spirit. I offer it to you with all the love in my heart, for I love you, Lord, and I give myself, surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.

It speaks to me a lot. It is the desire of my heart, and yet I am such a control freak that I can't seem to live it out. I want to hand over complete control, but, what happens when it isn't the way I want it to be. Such is my life.

Abba... help.